I borrowed this from a friend. Not all of it applies to me personally, but it's a good thing for EVERYONE to keep in mind.--Lydia
TOP 14 Things NOT to say to a military Spouse!!
1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds ---but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)
2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)
3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)
4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)
5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored.)
6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)
7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)
8A. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.)
8B. "OH, my husband has been gone for 3 whole days, I can't wait til he comes home in 2! It's so hard when he's gone"
Are you kidding me??? 5 days, and you get all wound up? Please think about your audience before presenting sob stories like this. Only 5 days would be a dream! (not gonna happen though). Don't whine about short jaunts away, and refer to 8A (above.)
9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets antoher big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)
10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps everywhere.)
11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)
12. "Don't you miss the intimacy! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, no i don't miss that. i'm a robot. seriously...military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something much greater than the physical side. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of "deprivation".)
13. "Well in my opinion....."
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running around doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we're trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)
last but not least....
14. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a STUD!. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Update
SO,
Paul has been gone for 24 days now, (but who's counting, right? :-) WHat this means is that we only have 341 days left. OR, (even better) 48 movie nights left, OR only 11 fast and testimony meetings AND only 3 group lessons (piano) for me to teach. :-) SEE! THat doesn't sound too bad.
Of course, it also includes one school year for the kids, (including first year with a middle schooler), Three more semesters for me, ANd giving birth to one baby! We can so do this though, right?
I am grateful right now that Paul has arrived at a temporary area (that he'll be at for anywhere from a few weeks to a few months). He arrived safely and it was an uneventful journey (though 9 to 10 hours in a large convoy).
He likes the guys he is working with, and it's nice for me to know a good chunk of these guys too, so I know who they are talking about. Now that I finally got his address, we have been able to mail a package to him. We'll see how it fares.
I wish there was a way I could send a long blast of cold air to him, considering that it is very VERY hot there. He's a tough boy. But it's the wife in me that wishes I could make things better for him.
We have been able to talk on skype a couple of times, which has been nice. We've also got a few phone calls in. THough I tease Paul it's almost like a "blonde conversation," because there is about a 6 second delay in the conversations, and it's like you have to wait for the other person to "understand" the comment. ha ha
It is wonderful having access to different forms of communication though. Phone calls are pricey, but skype and Instant messaging and email all are free (IF he can get a good connection). The point is, we have access when it was SO not available for any of the previous generations.
This was my 2nd Fourth of July as a military spouse. I have always loved that holiday, but it's definitely a different feel when you know you are separated at that moment because of the cause for freedom. It's pretty cool. I'd prefer to be together, but am SOOO proud of what he is doing. SO PROUD! It was a different experience to celebrate it here, in a foreign country. I actually got sick that day, so we stayed home and watched fireworks videos on youtube, ate yummy food, and blew up balloons, so we could pop them with pins (cheap man fireworks. ha ha) We also sang some patriotic music. It was a good day.
So, I am 7 months pregnant now and cannot help but employ the "pregant lady waddle." I have this habit of looking very large by the sixth month, but then don't get THAT much bigger. BUt, it's always "fun" to hear people say "OH! You're NOT that far along after all. . . . .(awkward pause)" I DO try to remind these people that I HAVE had five other children, and the belly kind of knows how to stretch out at this point.
It really is funny what people will say though. SUch is life.
I visited my NEW OB doc for first time this week. I like the office better than the last one, but I got to say, I really Miss my docs in the states. There still is a language barrier. Even though he speaks english, it's not perfect, and there already seems to be trouble understanding certain things. This office actually provides sheets though, so patients don't have to walk around "bottom-less" :-) Always a nice thing.
It's funny though. In life, anytime I figure I have something Figured out, the Lord always humbles me by throwing a new spin on it. I thought I had moving down to an art form (after 17 moves), then was thrown into an INTERNATIONAL move with less than 2 months to prepare.
I thought a single baby after having twins would be a breeze, THEN I had Natalee. (Love my high maintenance daughter VERY much!).
I thought labor is SO not a big deal for me, after five kids, THEN I'm told I'll be delivering in a foreign country with all sorts of different ways of doing things.
I could go on and on, but really, what's the point, right? It's all good. Life is good. I laugh at the ironies in life.
Paul and I are both hoping he'll be able to take his R&R about the time the baby is born. But nothing is for certain. NOTHING. If he is allowed, the baby still has to cooperate.
I have had five children all naturally, but Paul (as cheesy as it sounds) has been my pain killer through the labors. I'm trying to mentally prepare, just in case, but part of me is really being stubborn about that scenario (ME?! Stubborn?! No way?!)
I have less than two weeks of this semester and then I get a month off. It's been a good semester. But I'm thrilled to be done with the ONLY math class I have taken in 16 years. (Man, that makes me sound old)
Well, I think this ramble fest is about over.
THe kids have been great and we have had fun. We even went camping together last week. THat's RIGHT! I took all five kids BY MYSELF for three days and two nights IN a TENT!! I was pretty proud of myself. (and my air mattress was wonderful). We also spent two days at the Legoland that is here in Southern Germany. It was quite fun and the kids loved it. There are so many things I just wouldn't be able to do, if they weren't such great kids. In all reality, I need to remind myself of that when I get frustrated with silly little things (like not figuring out how to make the dirty clothes land in the hamper and NOT all over the floor)
Life really is good. I miss Paul terribly, but am so glad to be married to an amazing man that IS so missable! (and lovable). I so wish I could take weekend trips to visit family. I miss our family very much too, and feel sad sometimes realizing how long it might be before we can hang out again.
In the meantime, I laugh a lot still (My kids make sure of that. Well, them and Brian Regan. ha ha). As I said multiple times before, Life is Good.
Paul has been gone for 24 days now, (but who's counting, right? :-) WHat this means is that we only have 341 days left. OR, (even better) 48 movie nights left, OR only 11 fast and testimony meetings AND only 3 group lessons (piano) for me to teach. :-) SEE! THat doesn't sound too bad.
Of course, it also includes one school year for the kids, (including first year with a middle schooler), Three more semesters for me, ANd giving birth to one baby! We can so do this though, right?
I am grateful right now that Paul has arrived at a temporary area (that he'll be at for anywhere from a few weeks to a few months). He arrived safely and it was an uneventful journey (though 9 to 10 hours in a large convoy).
He likes the guys he is working with, and it's nice for me to know a good chunk of these guys too, so I know who they are talking about. Now that I finally got his address, we have been able to mail a package to him. We'll see how it fares.
I wish there was a way I could send a long blast of cold air to him, considering that it is very VERY hot there. He's a tough boy. But it's the wife in me that wishes I could make things better for him.
We have been able to talk on skype a couple of times, which has been nice. We've also got a few phone calls in. THough I tease Paul it's almost like a "blonde conversation," because there is about a 6 second delay in the conversations, and it's like you have to wait for the other person to "understand" the comment. ha ha
It is wonderful having access to different forms of communication though. Phone calls are pricey, but skype and Instant messaging and email all are free (IF he can get a good connection). The point is, we have access when it was SO not available for any of the previous generations.
This was my 2nd Fourth of July as a military spouse. I have always loved that holiday, but it's definitely a different feel when you know you are separated at that moment because of the cause for freedom. It's pretty cool. I'd prefer to be together, but am SOOO proud of what he is doing. SO PROUD! It was a different experience to celebrate it here, in a foreign country. I actually got sick that day, so we stayed home and watched fireworks videos on youtube, ate yummy food, and blew up balloons, so we could pop them with pins (cheap man fireworks. ha ha) We also sang some patriotic music. It was a good day.
So, I am 7 months pregnant now and cannot help but employ the "pregant lady waddle." I have this habit of looking very large by the sixth month, but then don't get THAT much bigger. BUt, it's always "fun" to hear people say "OH! You're NOT that far along after all. . . . .(awkward pause)" I DO try to remind these people that I HAVE had five other children, and the belly kind of knows how to stretch out at this point.
It really is funny what people will say though. SUch is life.
I visited my NEW OB doc for first time this week. I like the office better than the last one, but I got to say, I really Miss my docs in the states. There still is a language barrier. Even though he speaks english, it's not perfect, and there already seems to be trouble understanding certain things. This office actually provides sheets though, so patients don't have to walk around "bottom-less" :-) Always a nice thing.
It's funny though. In life, anytime I figure I have something Figured out, the Lord always humbles me by throwing a new spin on it. I thought I had moving down to an art form (after 17 moves), then was thrown into an INTERNATIONAL move with less than 2 months to prepare.
I thought a single baby after having twins would be a breeze, THEN I had Natalee. (Love my high maintenance daughter VERY much!).
I thought labor is SO not a big deal for me, after five kids, THEN I'm told I'll be delivering in a foreign country with all sorts of different ways of doing things.
I could go on and on, but really, what's the point, right? It's all good. Life is good. I laugh at the ironies in life.
Paul and I are both hoping he'll be able to take his R&R about the time the baby is born. But nothing is for certain. NOTHING. If he is allowed, the baby still has to cooperate.
I have had five children all naturally, but Paul (as cheesy as it sounds) has been my pain killer through the labors. I'm trying to mentally prepare, just in case, but part of me is really being stubborn about that scenario (ME?! Stubborn?! No way?!)
I have less than two weeks of this semester and then I get a month off. It's been a good semester. But I'm thrilled to be done with the ONLY math class I have taken in 16 years. (Man, that makes me sound old)
Well, I think this ramble fest is about over.
THe kids have been great and we have had fun. We even went camping together last week. THat's RIGHT! I took all five kids BY MYSELF for three days and two nights IN a TENT!! I was pretty proud of myself. (and my air mattress was wonderful). We also spent two days at the Legoland that is here in Southern Germany. It was quite fun and the kids loved it. There are so many things I just wouldn't be able to do, if they weren't such great kids. In all reality, I need to remind myself of that when I get frustrated with silly little things (like not figuring out how to make the dirty clothes land in the hamper and NOT all over the floor)
Life really is good. I miss Paul terribly, but am so glad to be married to an amazing man that IS so missable! (and lovable). I so wish I could take weekend trips to visit family. I miss our family very much too, and feel sad sometimes realizing how long it might be before we can hang out again.
In the meantime, I laugh a lot still (My kids make sure of that. Well, them and Brian Regan. ha ha). As I said multiple times before, Life is Good.
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