What military wives HATE to hear. . . .

I borrowed this from a friend. Not all of it applies to me personally, but it's a good thing for EVERYONE to keep in mind.--Lydia

TOP 14 Things NOT to say to a military Spouse!!

1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds ---but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)

4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)

5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored.)

6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)

7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)

8A. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.)

8B. "OH, my husband has been gone for 3 whole days, I can't wait til he comes home in 2! It's so hard when he's gone"
Are you kidding me??? 5 days, and you get all wound up? Please think about your audience before presenting sob stories like this. Only 5 days would be a dream! (not gonna happen though). Don't whine about short jaunts away, and refer to 8A (above.)

9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets antoher big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)

10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps everywhere.)

11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)

12. "Don't you miss the intimacy! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, no i don't miss that. i'm a robot. seriously...military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something much greater than the physical side. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of "deprivation".)

13. "Well in my opinion....."
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running around doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we're trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)

last but not least....

14. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a STUD!. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad

Update

SO,
Paul has been gone for 24 days now, (but who's counting, right? :-) WHat this means is that we only have 341 days left. OR, (even better) 48 movie nights left, OR only 11 fast and testimony meetings AND only 3 group lessons (piano) for me to teach. :-) SEE! THat doesn't sound too bad.
Of course, it also includes one school year for the kids, (including first year with a middle schooler), Three more semesters for me, ANd giving birth to one baby! We can so do this though, right?
I am grateful right now that Paul has arrived at a temporary area (that he'll be at for anywhere from a few weeks to a few months). He arrived safely and it was an uneventful journey (though 9 to 10 hours in a large convoy).
He likes the guys he is working with, and it's nice for me to know a good chunk of these guys too, so I know who they are talking about. Now that I finally got his address, we have been able to mail a package to him. We'll see how it fares.
I wish there was a way I could send a long blast of cold air to him, considering that it is very VERY hot there. He's a tough boy. But it's the wife in me that wishes I could make things better for him.
We have been able to talk on skype a couple of times, which has been nice. We've also got a few phone calls in. THough I tease Paul it's almost like a "blonde conversation," because there is about a 6 second delay in the conversations, and it's like you have to wait for the other person to "understand" the comment. ha ha
It is wonderful having access to different forms of communication though. Phone calls are pricey, but skype and Instant messaging and email all are free (IF he can get a good connection). The point is, we have access when it was SO not available for any of the previous generations.
This was my 2nd Fourth of July as a military spouse. I have always loved that holiday, but it's definitely a different feel when you know you are separated at that moment because of the cause for freedom. It's pretty cool. I'd prefer to be together, but am SOOO proud of what he is doing. SO PROUD! It was a different experience to celebrate it here, in a foreign country. I actually got sick that day, so we stayed home and watched fireworks videos on youtube, ate yummy food, and blew up balloons, so we could pop them with pins (cheap man fireworks. ha ha) We also sang some patriotic music. It was a good day.
So, I am 7 months pregnant now and cannot help but employ the "pregant lady waddle." I have this habit of looking very large by the sixth month, but then don't get THAT much bigger. BUt, it's always "fun" to hear people say "OH! You're NOT that far along after all. . . . .(awkward pause)" I DO try to remind these people that I HAVE had five other children, and the belly kind of knows how to stretch out at this point.
It really is funny what people will say though. SUch is life.
I visited my NEW OB doc for first time this week. I like the office better than the last one, but I got to say, I really Miss my docs in the states. There still is a language barrier. Even though he speaks english, it's not perfect, and there already seems to be trouble understanding certain things. This office actually provides sheets though, so patients don't have to walk around "bottom-less" :-) Always a nice thing.
It's funny though. In life, anytime I figure I have something Figured out, the Lord always humbles me by throwing a new spin on it. I thought I had moving down to an art form (after 17 moves), then was thrown into an INTERNATIONAL move with less than 2 months to prepare.
I thought a single baby after having twins would be a breeze, THEN I had Natalee. (Love my high maintenance daughter VERY much!).
I thought labor is SO not a big deal for me, after five kids, THEN I'm told I'll be delivering in a foreign country with all sorts of different ways of doing things.
I could go on and on, but really, what's the point, right? It's all good. Life is good. I laugh at the ironies in life.
Paul and I are both hoping he'll be able to take his R&R about the time the baby is born. But nothing is for certain. NOTHING. If he is allowed, the baby still has to cooperate.
I have had five children all naturally, but Paul (as cheesy as it sounds) has been my pain killer through the labors. I'm trying to mentally prepare, just in case, but part of me is really being stubborn about that scenario (ME?! Stubborn?! No way?!)
I have less than two weeks of this semester and then I get a month off. It's been a good semester. But I'm thrilled to be done with the ONLY math class I have taken in 16 years. (Man, that makes me sound old)
Well, I think this ramble fest is about over.
THe kids have been great and we have had fun. We even went camping together last week. THat's RIGHT! I took all five kids BY MYSELF for three days and two nights IN a TENT!! I was pretty proud of myself. (and my air mattress was wonderful). We also spent two days at the Legoland that is here in Southern Germany. It was quite fun and the kids loved it. There are so many things I just wouldn't be able to do, if they weren't such great kids. In all reality, I need to remind myself of that when I get frustrated with silly little things (like not figuring out how to make the dirty clothes land in the hamper and NOT all over the floor)
Life really is good. I miss Paul terribly, but am so glad to be married to an amazing man that IS so missable! (and lovable). I so wish I could take weekend trips to visit family. I miss our family very much too, and feel sad sometimes realizing how long it might be before we can hang out again.
In the meantime, I laugh a lot still (My kids make sure of that. Well, them and Brian Regan. ha ha). As I said multiple times before, Life is Good.

New Kid funnies

Yes, I realize that these stories probably appeal to me more than anyone else, but I still think they are worth sharing :-) These are kid comments from the last couple of weeks.

Natalee (6 yr old): "Mom! Timmy called me Stupid"
Tim: "But MOM! It was ON PURPOSE!!!"


Next Story:
Paul and I were teasing the kids about something silly they had done, and made a comment that maybe they weren't so smart. Breanna (9 yr old twin), acted all indignant and said "HEY! There are only THREE kids in our class that are in the gifted program, and WE ARE ONE of them!" (Ha ha. I laughed so hard, and she did too once she realized what she had said.) Paul reminded her, that they really DON'T share a brain, even if they are twins, and really count as TWO> ("No Una-minds, in this house!") Now, we like to quote Toy Story and say "We are ONE!"

Shakespeare Debut

Here's my Boy making his Shakespeare debut as King Cladius in "Hamlet". I was so impressed with the 5th graders in this class, and just as impressed with the teacher who decided to take on HAMLET with 5th graders. Adam loves the stage. And how I love to watch him. Being a parent is WAY FUN!

Warning: Kid bragging alert!!!!

I am SOOO proud of my kids! No really, they constantly amaze me with their achievements and accomplishments and talent, etc.

Adam's 5th grade class along with one other classroom, decided to put on a production of Hamlet. That's right, SHAKESPEARE! That's a quite an ambitious project for 10 and 11 year olds. And yet, I have heard nothing but great things about it (I get to go tonight). In fact, there are six performances, and two casts. There were two performances for one of the classes, two for the other, and then the evening performances were for the "all star cast". Well, Adam not only was chosen for the evening performances, but also was asked yesterday if he would do it for the other cast during the day too. (He's the King, by the way)

Then today, we got a note home saying that Adam is being awarded the "Presidents Award for Educational Excellence." Only eight 5th graders in his whole school are receiving it!!! (and it's a big school) I am SOOO proud!

The twins are still excelling in their class, and are two of the only three kids from their classroom that qualified for the gifted program. All three of the older kids have been awesome soccer players and great contributions to their team. Adam has done great as a defender and forward. Breanna is an awesome defender and excels at it. And Isaac is quite the incredible goalie, especially at his age. Paul and I were quite surprised. Of course, we laugh sometimes that he does so well, cause he doesn't have to run. :-)

Natalee is ending kindergarten being well advanced past the goals they set to reach at the end of kindergarten. Many days go by that we're told she was the ONLY well behaved child in class that day.

Then there's Tim. He has learned a lot of his numbers and letters and is always wanting to do what the other kids can do. He'll start pre-school this coming fall on base. THough I'm not sure how I feel exactly about my baby going to school, I know he'll love it.

And our #6 (in utero), well, she's already proving to be a force not to be reckoned with. She seriously can kick! More than any of the other kids did. But then again, my memory could just be bad.



If you have survived reading this much, I'm impressed. I did warn that it was a brag alert. You really need to understand how much it impresses me though, that these amazing kids came from ME! (I know, cause I was there! ha ha). How did that happen??/

It's so great to see them reaching some of their potential. I have to remind myself sometimes, when I start getting frustrated because they lose socks, or wad up clean clothes, that if THAT is our biggest issue with them, we're doing okay. They all are so well behaved. We still get comments on it all the time. One lady we know here, said the other day "Your kids are SICKENINGLY well behaved. I'm not a Mom, but I want to be mad at you anyways, because they are." It was funny.

But the truth is, they ARE good. They make our life so great, and surpisingly, despite what others think, I think they make life a lot easier.

I am grateful EVERY single day for my children! I would take them in any package they came in, and any condition. I really like the ones they did come in though!
Life is good!

France Trip details.

WOW!
What a trip! I can honestly say, that seven months ago, I NEVER would have thought that I would EVER visit any part of Europe, let alone Paris! We had an amazing week and 1/2, but are glad to be home.
I've decided to give some detail from our trip, and if nothing else, provide myself some journaling for this vacation.

We arrived late Saturday afternoon at our villa outside of Paris in Marne-le-valle. A very small and quaint french town. How quaint you ask??? Well, we could barely drive our car down the main street there, AND there was a baker that drove her little cart/ van down the town almost every morning selling bread. Our final day there we finally caught her and enjoyed the most amazing croissants EVER! mmmmm.. . . .
Anyhoo, we checked into our villa, and finally told the kids that we were 10 minutes away from Disneyland, and that THAT was one of the main reasons behind our visit. (I posted the video of it below, in case you're interested). We headed over to the park, after eating dinner in the villa. We bought annual passes, and it took a little bit of time, but we still had time to ride "It's a Small World" and a few other rides the first night.
The next day, we were at the park the ENTIRE day! Timmy had discovered the Buzz Lightyear ride the night before and was convinced NOTHING could be better. It worked great as a ride for him and I when Paul and the older kids wanted to go on more intense rides (or at least rides with height restrictions). And seeing as how I'm quite pregnant, I couldn't really do all those anyways.
Paul and the older three all went on space mountain. Though, I will now admit, that I kind of tricked Isaac and Breanna into going. THey had NO IDEA it was such an intense roller coaster, and DEFINITELY did not anticipate going upside down. They weren't the biggest fans, but Adam luckily, enjoyed it, and became Dad's roller coaster buddy.
I won't give you a re-cap of every ride and show, don't worry. To sum up Disney, we ended up going there six days! (not whole days: 3 full days, and 3 halfs). It was enough so that between all of us, we went on EVERY ride and saw EVERY show they had in the two parks (Disneyland Paris, and Walt Disney Studios)! My feet were rebelling a lot by the last day (very tired soles :-)
For the most part, the park wasn't that busy. It's actually low-tourist season, so the parked closed by 7 most nights. We packed in lunch or made dinner after getting home most nights, but did go to a character lunch at one of the restuarants. The kids loved having Disney characters coming and saying hi while they ate their lunch. (food = not so great. Oh well)
Disney is quite magical with things they do though. Timmy was SO excited to meet Buzz Lightyear, and we had waited in a line so he could do JUST THAT. While we waited, he could not take his eyes off of him. When it was our turn, the older kids stayed back so that Tim could meet Buzz by himself (with Mom), but the kid totally got star-struck/ shy/ stage fright/ or whatever you want to call it. He buried his head in my shoulder and in turn, Buzz dropped his head and went and stood with his head against the wall (to act sad too). It was too cute. The other kids came over, and by the time our turn was up (less than 1-2 minutes) Buzz had Timmy laughing and giving him high fives. It was great.
I couldn't help but chuckle a little with how rude people were about shoving thier kids in the front of the lines at Disney though. And there definitely is not as much understanding of personal space (they Stand RIGHT next to you, even if there's room not to). But I can't tell you what nationality did it the most, there were MANY represented.
Some of the kids highlights (favorites) from Disney were "Buzz Lightyear" ride, (Tim and I did it 7 times), Autotopia (you drive your own car), Rock and Roller Coaster (Adam LOVED), and we loved the stunt show at the Studios park. The parade was pretty cool too.
On Monday, the 17th, we decided to take a day trip up to Normandy (northern France). Our map and GPS told us that it would take about 2 1/2 to 3 hours, but the GPS lies!!!!! ;-) She didn't tell us that she would take us through downtown Paris highways AND construction. eww eww EWWW~ Way worse than ANY city driving we experienced in the states. (even Chicago). It was scary. Motorcycles especially, don't have traffic laws like cars there (evidently), and were weaving in and out of the car lanes, and squeezing through spots that we didn't think were possible, going REALLY fast. Paul thought he'd see a wreck more than once. (we didn't though).

BUT, SIX hours later we FINALLY arrived up by Normandy. By that time, the places we wanted to visit were only open for two more hours. BUT, it was still amazing and very interesting. We visited Omaha Beach. THE OMAHA BEACH! This was also the first time our kids had EVER seen the ocean and gotten to get close to real waves too. It was such a beautiful place and I couldn't help but be in awe of all the soldiers that never got to realize the beauty or peacefulness that was there. We walked to the American Military cemetary right by the beach, and were there as they retired the colors for the day (took down the flag). It was so humbling to see people stop and show respect as the flag was lowered. I was especially proud to be standing by my soldier husband, standing at attention, and know that THIS is what we fight for. He represents that flag and in a very short time will understand it even more than I ever can.
It was so amazing to be on that piece of historical land and think of the sacrifices that were made to make it the beautiful peaceful place it is today.
We planned our route home to AVOID Paris highways entirely, but alas, did not anticipate CONSTRUCTION again (on a different section of highway), and it took another five hours to get home. UGH! BUT, it was still worth it. (Just don't EVER drive in Paris).
OH, and rest stops in France. . . . .well, let's just say, I TOTALLY missed good American outhouses. Seriously! THe rest stops are NASTY! They don't provide toilet paper (which we prepared for) or water or soap (we prepared for that too), OR a seat. . . . (NOT prepared for THAT) Even the girls bathroom was JUST a hole in the ground. . . .SERIOUSLY??!?!??! EWWWW! (I took a picture. hee hee).
The kids took one look and said "Uh, we can WAIT!" That made us chuckle a little.

On Wednesday, we took the metro (subway/ train) into downtown Paris. I love their train system. It's funny that their system was so much easier to understand IN FRENCH than the system in Seattle (in English) was to me last year. But really, it was great. We arrived downtown, and went on a four hour walking tour of the main sites of Paris with an american tour guide. IT was wonderful. We saw the Eiffel Tower, the ARc de Triumphe, The Louvre, the Militare Academie, more museums I can't pronounce, the tomb where Napolean Bonaparte is buried, and Notre Dame.
We got to stop part way and eat at an amazing french cafe too. Ham crepes, and creme brulee. SOOOO good! (Even the kids liked it all). After the tour, we took a boat tour down the Seine and saw the same things, from the water this time. It was beautiful and unreal that we had just walked ALL THAT WAY (I think 4 or 5 miles). We ended up seeing the Eiffel Tower from 4 angles. Foot, car, train ,and boat. And I was so glad that I got to see this truly beautiful side of Paris (cause after the driving a couple days before, I was NOT too happy about the place)
I have to say the boat was probably my favorite part. It was so enjoyable. And Natalee spotted a nude sunbather "That man is wearing his BIRTHDAY SUIT!" ha ha. Paul and I laughed over her observance and nonchalance about it. We ended that day with french ice cream and sorbet. mmmmm.. . . . (Yes, Lydia likes good food :-), then were able to catch another hour at Disney before heading back to the villa.
Friday we checked out of the villa, headed back to Disney for a half day (the kids got to choose their favorite ride), and then went to Vogelweh (by Ramstein The next day, I needed an easy day (standing and walking that much in one week wore this preganant girl OUT), so we slept in and looked around Ramstein (the closest to an american mall here), and even enjoyed American food at the Chili's restuarant on base.
The next day, we added another country to the ones we have visited, and went to Luxembourg. We visited the military museum there, which was incredible. And then General Patton's museum, and then the American Military Cemetary by the Ardennes Forest (where the Battle of the Bulge took place). It was incredible, too! I can't get over the awe I feel when I stand on a piece of land that was a key factor in a piece of history. It is there that General Patton is buried as well. We even met an older gentleman from Michigan there, that asked Paul if he was military. When Paul said yes, the man got teary eyed and thanked him over and over for his sacrifice for our freedom. It was quite humbling and emotional.
Later, as they were getting ready to retire the colors (take down the flags) over the cemetary for the day, Paul asked if he could participate and was told that he and Adam and Isaac could do it. What an awesome experience. It was such an honor to know that they were showing honor to OUR flag over hallowed ground. Ground that MANY gave their lives on in honor of that flag and freedom. The boys felt it was an amazing experiece as well, and we couldn't imagine a better end to a great week.
OH, AND Paul got to feel the baby move for the first time that night TOO! I was laying down, and she was kicking like crazy and I put Paul's hand over it, and she kicked three times. It was so special that he got to connect with his newest little girl before he leaves (we were hoping that would happen)
After arriving home from our France trip, we went swimming at a local pool one day, and to Flossenburg Concentration Camp another. I have mixed feeling about the concentration camps. I think it is SOOO great to visit and learn, and for my kids to do so too, but I find it so emotional draining. I couldn't handle standing in the crematorium there.
I kept commenting to Paul what a different feel it was to be at the concentration camp vs. the Military cemetaries and sites. Both had had many lives taken. But one instance it was completely sinister, and those affected had absolutely NO CHOICE. The other came from men who had been willing to sacrifice thier lives (if the case needed to be) for the cause of freedom. The military sites felt peaceful and sacred, the camps, almost eerie. Walking at the Military sites, I felt so proud of what our country and others had done. Walking at the camps, I just felt sadness from what was done.
Strange to have such contrasting feelings.
It's been a great time with our family. These memories will last us many many years to come. :-)
Life is Good.

True Purpose Revealed. . . .

SO, we just got back from a most amazing trip to France. The kids knew we were going and were excited to go visit Normandy, and see the Eiffel tower, etc. However, we never told them that there was a Disneyland in Europe, and that THAT was our true purpose behind this destination. :-) hee hee They had never been to an amusement park, much less, DISNEY! It was so exciting to plan the whole thing as parents and present it as a surprise. The following video is when we FINALLY revealed it. Enjoy!